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Happy Shavuot!


Tomorrow (Tuesday) with the setting of the sunset is the festival of Shavuot, 7 weeks from the going out of Egypt to the giving of the law. I’ve been traveling for almost a week, visiting family, and don’t have time for a proper post, so I’m going to do a re-run of a couple lists previously posted.

In the meantime, remember to eat lots of cheesecake, contemplate how lightening could roar & thunder sparkle, and try to stay up a little later than usual studying Torah.

First: The 10 Commandments, Texas Style, from Cowboy Poetry (the music alone is worth a visit).

(1) Just one God.
(2) Honor yer Ma & Pa.
(3) No telling tales or gossipin’.
(4) Git yourself to Sunday meeting.
(5) Put nothin’ before God.
(6) No foolin’ around with another fellow’s gal.
(7) No killin’.
(8) Watch yer mouth.
(9) Don’t take what ain’t yers.
(10) Don’t be hankerin’ for yer buddy’s stuff.

Second: My own off-the-top-of-my-head interpretation of the 10 Big Sayings. 

1. I am YHWH your God. Make no mistake: every people has their God. I am particularly well-suited to a people that spends a heck of a lot of time talking, arguing, complaining, and looking for explanations as to why things aren’t going their way. You are not an easy people and I am not an easy God.

2. You should have no other gods before Me. As sages of all traditions have said: don’t worship what doesn’t matter, e.g., money, sex, power, guns, big cars, cell phones, and being right. It is, however, okay to engage in a little shoe fetish now and again.

3. Don’t take the name of YHWH in vain. Don’t invoke My name to apologize for, or justify, your bad public policy, greed, ineptitude, bigotry, violence, or short-sighted decisions. Also your holier-than-thou attitudes in any direction. Own your shit and try not to put words in My mouth.

4. Keep the Sabbath day. Surely you don’t have to go to the mall 7 days a week. Surely you can take a 10-minute break from checking your email on your iPhone. Same principle.

5. Honor your father & mother. Be nice to them that brought you to the dance. Don’t act like a teenager your entire life. Don’t cut Medicare or Social Security. Let them spoil your own children more than is necessary. Don’t spend your inheritance on frivolities. Call them more than you would like.

6. Don’t murder. Do as I say and not as I do. (Editor’s note: murder of the unrighteous, unrepentant, or inconvenient is still murder.)

7. Don’t adulter. If everyone would just heed this commandment, it would spell the end of at least 75% of all daytime talk shows and much of what passes as entertainment news. This would be a good thing.

8. Don’t steal. This is a gimme. Don’t bring the world economy crashing to its knees because you needed another and another and another buck. Don’t waste other people’s time. Don’t steal years off someone’s life by denying them health insurance coverage. Don’t steal ideas without giving credit (and where appropriate, some cold, hard cash). Don’t steal – and stomp on – the public’s trust. Don’t steal the future by being willfully stupid (think: climate change). Don’t steal people’s dignity by forcing them into situations you yourself would never tolerate.

9. Don’t bear false witnessDon’t call non-governmental organizations who fight for civil rights “terrorists.” Don’t even think about bringing up dredging up death panels. And please don’t compare everyone you don’t like to a Nazi. Name-calling is for cheaters. Purposeful spreading of lies is a cheap trick. (Update: see my recent pithy post on Truthiness.)

10. Don’t covet what your neighbor has. Otherwise known as the don’t even think about it commandment. Thinking leads to urges and urges lead to obsessions and obsessions lead to action. I know what you have might not be good enough, but you’ll make yourself cuckoo thinking about it all the time. Life isn’t fair and bad people get some good stuff. Go volunteer at a homeless shelter. Be thankful you’re not Job.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. Victoria H. Bedford permalink
    06/07/2011 10:14 am

    OK. I’ll try to do this, BUT, my folks are deceased, so tell 5 to my children, please; I’m not a guy (or gay) so nix 7; 1 and 2 speak to me; the others are no-brainers for a progressive. Happy travels, Sue!

    • sue swartz permalink*
      06/08/2011 2:13 pm

      Feel free to quote me to your kids as often as needed.

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